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A little background: My mother was Catholic, my father a non-practicing Protestant. My parents were married in a Protestant church because the Catholic church wouldn't marry them due to my father being a Protestant. I was baptized in a Catholic Church and also received my First Communion. After my parent's divorced, the Catholic Church would not allow my mother to be a God Mother to my cousin because she was divorced. My mother then married my ex-step father, who was also Catholic. For a while we did go to church every Sunday, but with five kids it's hard to calm everyone down enough to sit through a service, so mostly we just went on the holidays. By high school we weren't going at all, but I did go to a Catholic High School so I still attended Mass periodically through the school. The Knight is protestant and we were married by a Protestant minister. The Mermaid was baptized in a Catholic church and eventually the Guppy will be as well. However, I never took confirmation within the church because I had serious issues with how the church operated as an institution. So that is my religious background.
Somewhere along the way, I think I lost faith. I'm not sure at what point, and I'm not sure why, but I just stopped feeling God's presence in my life. I stopped praying and talking to Him. And I hate it. I want to be able to have God in my life again. I want to find God.
I have been trying to find God for about a month now. I started praying again, trying to feel His presence in my life. But it hasn't happened yet. My prayers feel hollow to me, almost forced. And I can't seem to bring myself to have a true conversation with Him yet. But I'm going to keep trying. I know that this will be a longer journey than I originally thought, but I am hoping that I will learn a lot about myself in the meantime. And who knows? Maybe in the end, I'll discover that He was right here all along, waiting for me to find myself.
Suggestions, advice, and encouraging comments are more than welcome :o)
4 comments:
Hey I'm a lurker, all I know is that in God's word it says "If you seek me you will find me if you seek me with your whole heart."
Jeremiah 29:13
Praying for you in your journey (PS we grew up the same way my mom was methodist and my dad catholic and I went to Catholic church but stopped being a practicing catholic in 8th grade)
I loved this post. I could relate to so much of it. I admire people who have such a strong faith, I just don't. Too many things happened during my up-bringing and soured my feelings about religion. I hope to someday figure things out but until I do, I just try to "do the right thing". Good Luck to you, I hope you find what you are looking for.
Seek and you will find. :)
I alway find the book of John is a good place to start when I get a little off track.
Im' sure you'll find your way. I'll be praying for ya.
I grew up with a Catholic dad and an Episcopal mom. We mostly went to my mom's church b/c my dad was divorced. He did not want to pay the money to get his marriage annulled. I also have real issues with the Catholic religion and its views on women.
Since I have had kids, I started to go to church more often. I find the liturgy (very similar to the Catholic) comforting without the problems of the Catholic church. The episcopals accept gays and women as priests.
I think your best bed would be to find a church which makes you feel comfortable. That is what helped me to refind my religion.
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