I remember waking up that morning and thinking "Damn, I'm still pregnant." Ten days"overdue" exactly.
Your sisters were with your father and I had the whole day to myself. Your Aunt Stacie called and I went dress shopping with her, and then for dinner we went out for Sushi. I could feel you rolling and kicking as I browsed the dress racks, as we waited for our Sushi.
And then, as Aunt Stacie was driving me home, I felt...something. Was it a contraction? Whatever it was, there was only one, although it was strong enough to make me catch my breathe.
When I got home, I got the sudden urge to clean. I cleaned the bathrooms, the kitchen, the living room. I swept the hardwood and vacuumed all the rugs.
I sang songs to you as I worked.
Then I sat down to watch some sessions from an online conference I had registered for. Pen and paper in hand, taking notes, I was so absorbed in the sessions that I didn't notice at first that something was happening again...but when I did finally notice, I started jotting down the times of each contraction I felt in the margarine of my notes. I updated my birth support team and also Facebook and Twitter. Your father brought your sisters home and they went straight to bed.
Finally, around midnight, I stretched, turned the computer off and took a nap.
I was woken up at 1:45 AMish by a contraction that was quite strong. I got up, called in the birth team.
Everyone started arriving at around 2:30AM. We baked birthday brownies for you and filled up the birth pool. Just like with the Guppy's birth, we had to heat up water on the stove because our water heater ran out of hot water too quickly.
I would put my hands on my belly and try to imagine what this felt like for you. What you were thinking, etc.
Soon I was holding onto walls, counters, chairs through each contraction. Sometimes I stood in the middle of the room with everyone present, a couple times I went into the small and dark bathroom to be alone with you for a couple of contractions.
It started to get really intense, and I got into the pool. Oh sweet, blissful water! Truly nature's epidural! I cupped my hands and poured water over my belly, over you.
And then...and then my body began to push.
I was so eager to meet you little one...but I do not like pushing. Not one bit. But I didn't have a choice, my body was doing it all on my own. So I rode each contraction, dreading that awful feeling of intense pressure as my body bared down on its own. I shook my head and said that I couldn't do it. I kept my sounds as low and deep into my throat as possible.
I dropped the F bomb once.
Then I reached down and felt your head. You felt like you were coming out so fast, I held my hand against you to try to slow things down a little. Your head was so incredibly, unbelievably soft. I'll never forget how soft you felt in that moment. It kept me from loosing my cool completely.
Soon I felt your head come out...then your shoulders, then you were out! My midwife passed you between my legs and said "Here Shelly, take your baby!"
And there you were in my arms, covered in vernix and so tiny!! I just looked at you and laughed and laughed. I looked up at the others and everyone seemed to be crying with joy. Joy because you were finally here!
After a while, one of the midwives made a comment about how healthy and big your umbilical cord looked (in fact, the thickest they have ever seen). It was only then that I thought to look...and saw that you were a boy!!
A son. My son. My Heart, My Soul, My Joy, My Love.....My Son.
I fall more in love with you every day....welcome to the world, my beautiful little boy.
The Tadpole was born at 4:33 AM on Sunday, May 23rd weighing 9lbs even.
My Son
He needs it. Because right now, our whole lives are filled with joy and sunshine.
She didn't want me to snap her picture.
The first week was another whirlwind. I was sick with mastitis, we were having problems breastfeeding, and you were not content unless you were on my breast and in my arms. You woke up in the middle of the night and fussed for hours, and fussed also in the mornings and evenings.
Now, you are a month old. Now, you sleep peacefully at night. Now, you only have one fussy period in the morning, and I hold you and cuddle with you until you are able to settle down.
Things have slowed down. We have slowed down. Enough to sit quietly together and enjoy each other. Enough to give in to whatever we are and accept it and love each other for it. You are a baby that needs to cry, and I am a mother who is far from perfect. But it works for us. 
The Mermaid was never much for cuddling. As someone who LOVES to hug and cuddle, this has been hard for me.
I still feel that in a lot of ways, she is still my baby.
This morning she came downstairs, her hair tousled from sleep. She climbed on my lap and we enjoyed a rare moment of silence. Then she spoke.
I thought I remembered what it was like to hold your newborn in your arms and completely and utterly fall in love....
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