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In about 14 weeks, my baby will be here.
And even though this is will be our second homebirth, people still seem surprised at the choice we have made. So, I thought I would address how The Knight and I came about to choosing homebirth.
First, a little background: My first daughter was born September 3rd, 2004. She was a medicated vaginal birth in a hospital, and she was born seven days past her due date. When I went into labor with my daughter, I was very ignorant about childbirth and hospital procedures in general. Although I had prepared for breastfeeding, I had done very little research on childbirth and I did not even take a childbirth education class.
At the time, the only reading I had done to prepare myself was the book "Birthing From Within" by Pam England. I now highly recommend this book, but at the time I simply scanned the pages, saw the word "homebirth" pop up a few times, and put the book away. "Those women are crazy. Who the hell would want to give birth at home?" was my thought.
You see, I was scared of my upcoming birth. I was a younger mom, 21 when she was born, so I didn't have any friends who already had kids to talk to. I only had my family. And they spent my entire pregnancy telling me horror stories about their births, stories that got more terrifying each time they told. Stories that included lines like, "I nearly had my legs ripped in half, the baby was so big." Stories of pain, of fear, and of close calls with the line "Thank God the doctor was there to save us" always thrown in at the end.
By the end of my pregnancy, I no longer had any belief in myself and my ability to give birth to my baby on my own.
Looking back, I know that I lucked out. I went one week overdue without pressure from my OBGYN to induce. While my OBGYN did have horrible bed manners, she wasn't in a hurry and she, in general, wasn't c-section happy. I am thankful for this, because I know now how easily I could have ended up with a c-section.
A week after my due date, when my body went into labor, I entered the world of motherhood wrapped in fear and confusion, and with no confidence in myself. And this is her birth story:
On September 2nd, I started to feel cramping in my back. I was at my mother’s house and when I used the restroom I discovered that I had lost my mucus plug. Because I was cramping in my back and I had lost my plug, my mother suggested I go see my OBGYN. I went to her office and she put me on a monitor, which showed that while I was having contractions, they were very weak and sporadic. She told me that I was most likely having Braxton-Hicks contractions, and if I did not go into labor by Wednesday (it was Thursday) then I would be induced. I went home to my husband and told him what the doctor had said, but that I felt weird because my contractions were still coming. I did not feel comfortable sitting, so my husband and I made a “nest” out of blankets and pillows on the floor and lay down. We watched all three of the Batman movies, until I finally fell asleep through the contractions.
The contractions woke me up at 2 AM I shifted my weight and when I did, I immediately felt a large gush of water. I woke my husband up and told him that my water had broken. I went to change my clothes and get my bag while my husband called the doctor to tell her we were going to the hospital. We also called my mom because I wanted her in the room with us, and she said she would meet us there. By the time we got to the hospital, I was in full transition and starting to feel pressure.
By the time I was finally in my room, I was becoming very vocal. The nurse got angry with me, and kept telling me that I "couldn't yell in here." Soon she said she was going to insert and IV and give me some saline, but she lied; it wasn't saline, it was a narcotic. I think she was upset because I wouldn't be quiet. The drug made me feel very loopy and confused.
Despite the fast labor I was having, I did not once feel out of control or that it was too painful to bear. Looking back now, I honestly believe that I could have handled the rest of labor without any pain medication. However, because I was ignorant about the childbirth process in general, and because I was so afraid and so in doubt about my abilities, I did not realize I had a choice when it came to pain medications. So, when the nurse told me it was time for my epidural, I just nodded my head.
Because of the narcotic and the epidural that I received, my labor slowed down a little, but it was still a quick labor in general (five hours). Despite the fact that I really could not feel anything due to the epidural, I managed to push my daughter out, and was given an episiotomy in the process. She weighed 7lbs, 9oz. However, because I was so drugged up, I really didn’t realize that she had been born, even though they had put her directly on my stomach. In fact, I continued to push until I finally realized that she had already been born. Another side effect of the pain medications was that she was a very sleepy baby. For the first 48 hours of her life, she did not wake up to nurse. I had a lactation counselor visit my hospital room and one nurse tried to help me get her latched on as well, but she was just too sleepy. The nurses told me that this was normal for a baby whose mother received pain medication during labor, but did not offer me any solutions. As a result, I was discharged from the hospital before I was able to successfully get my daughter to latch on by myself. This made me feel very insecure and stressed, and I developed postpartum depression, which kept me from fully bonding with my daughter.
Looking back on The Mermaid's birth, I am saddened by the haziness, fear, and confusion that surrounds my memories. I am saddened by the lack of support that I received at the hospital for breastfeeding. Thus, when I got pregnant with The Guppy, I decided to look at other options.
To be continued...
6 comments:
I always feel so sad when I hear stories like this. I have had two babies in the hospital and they were both positive experiences despite being inductions (for medical reasons). I used a midwife with hospital priveleges both times and I think that made all the difference in the world. The nurses were all very respectful of my choice not to use meds, to eat nutritious foods, and to move around and try various positions. I was able to hold and nurse my babies for at least an hour before they were taken away even to be weighed and cleaned up. Other than routine hearing and vision tests, which my husband went to, my babies stayed with me in the recovery room. Even though my oldest was unable to nurse before we left the hospital (she was a month early), they sent a lactation consultant to my house to make sure we were doing well. I'm saying this because all though I respect women who have had home births, and have often thought of having them myself, I don't want to scare women off from hospital births. They can be positive experiences if you can find a hospital and provider who will be respectful of your and your parters desires and choices.
Can't wait to read the rest of your story! :)
Your first birth is a mirror image of my first daughter's birth. It was such a confusing emotional event, that I was determined to have it "my way" the next pregnancy. And I did!!
I live to far from the hospital for a homebirth, but utilized a midwife with my second pregnancy, and would not change a thing.
Thank you for sharing your story, and for getting the word out about homebirth. I can't wait to read the rest of your story!!
K's birth was the same way. Funny cause he shares the same b-day and was almost the same weight! I had everyone pushing me to get the epidural and I nodded ok in agreement during transition. I truly believe I could have done it on my own if someone would have just shared some positive stories with me before instead of all the negative scary stuff!
great post. The book that opened my eyes was Fredrik Leboyer's Birth without violence. It's now a movie , which i haven't seen, so I don't know if it is as powerful as the book.
But after reading that, I insisted on a non violent, drug free birth, and had the best time of my life. both in my pregnancy and my birth. I'm proud that my daughter doens't have any birth trauma.
Have you ever considered having a Mother Blessing before your next baby comes along? I have found them to be wonderful places where women share the good stories about birth and mothering. No bad stories allowed. It's about honoring the mother, celebrating birth and celebrating her. Look into them if you want to know more. They can be a really nice alternative to a baby shower. Especially for second babies when you don't need/want too much more "stuff."
You know, I have had 3 hospital births with epidurals, and I LOVED them. My labors were quick, and easy. I was TERRIFIED before my first labor, even though I had done a lot of research on birthing and not so much on the breastfeeding (I thought THAT would come naturally. Haha. Ha.)
I think to each his own, but I, like you, hate hearing all about people's pregnancy/birth horror stories. Especially because I think they're usually blown waaaay out of proportion.
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