Quiet Days...

The past few days have been quiet. The Guppy recovered quickly from her illness, but not before passing it along to The Mermaid, so our house is still filled with sniffles and coughs (but no more vomiting, thank goodness).

I've finally started to feel better....the nausea is only hitting me occasionally, and the achy exhaustion that has plagued me all through this pregnancy so far is finally lifting. Yesterday while the girls rested I attacked the house and got 80% of it clean, and got the laundry back under control as well. It's amazing how messy the house got when I was sick, but soon it will be our cozy refuge once again.

I've also been really diving into my knitting, working on a sweater. I taught The Mermaid how to finger knit, and she has spent the past two days working on a garland for our Christmas tree. I was very surprised at how quickly she picked it up...and a disappointed with myself for my lack of patience while teaching her how to do it.

I've also been spending a lot of time looking at future homeschooling projects to do, arts and crafts, etc. Drooling over Etsy at homemade gifts for Christmas. Quietly reflecting on what direction I want our lives to go this upcoming year.

It's been a nice, quiet lull before the holiday craziness hits. What have you been up to?

Quiet Days...

Poor Baby

I woke up at about 1 AM this morning to the sound of dog barking in my room.

Then I thought, wait a minute, we don't have a dog...

It was The Guppy, coughing her poor little lungs out with this racking, dry cough that raises the hair on the back of my neck whenever I hear it.

The rest of the night I was up with her, trying to get her comfortable enough so that she could sleep. She finally fell asleep around 6 AM, and slept until 8 AM, when she woke up and promptly got sick all over the bed.

She's gotten sick twice more since then and we are all just camping out in our pajamas, hoping it doesn't turn into something worse than a cough with a stomach bug thrown in for good measure.

How is it, that no matter how fast our children seem to be growing, that the minute they get ill they suddenly look so helpless and small again? I lay on the couch with The Guppy and hold her in my lap, stroking her back as her tiny body is racked in a coughing fit.

Mommy, will you lay with me all day? she asks me.

How can I not?

Poor Baby

Knitting Away High Expectations

Yesterday I took my knitting bag out from under the end table and took a peek inside.

How long has it been since I worked on my knitting? I found out quickly by examining the project on my needles; a sweater that I had started working on for The Mermaid last year.

It was in March of this year that I last picked up my needles. The sweater will no longer fit The Mermaid, but if I finish it, it will fit The Guppy...

So last night, I sat and knitted. Knitting is such good therapy for me; I usually pick easy projects that don't require much thinking, brainless ones that I can work on while talking or watching TV. It relaxes me and lets me think about things while I work; it gives me a visible accomplishment and proof of progress to look at by the end of the day.

I think that is what I need the most right now; proof of progress and accomplishment. My life has been extremely crazy and unsettled lately, and on top of that, while I am feeling much better, this pregnancy is leaving me exhausted and with little ambition. The house is an absolute mess and I find myself unable to work on other things in my life as well. In fact, last night while knitting I even felt guilty, thinking there is soo much work you need to get done and instead you are sitting here knitting. But for some reasons, the needles kept calling to me with their reassuring and calming click click click and I kept knitting.

As I finally sighed and set my work aside to go to bed, I took one last look at it and paused. Where before I started was nothing, there was now the beginning of the front of the sweater. And there it was, right in front of me, and I thought, So this is what accomplishment looks like. I had forgotten. And suddenly I knew why I had craved to hold the needles in my hand again; so I can remind myself that I can accomplish things, and be proud of them, no matter how small.

So, today I am going to tackle my own expectations of myself. I am going to admire and praise whatever small accomplishments I make around the house, instead of getting overwhelmed by all that I have to do. Baby steps is my new plan of action. I'm going to start with putting away some laundry. And I will make sure I end my day with knitting.

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Knitting Away High Expectations

Uninterrupted Conversation

Yesterday I took the girls and we drove out to visit my sister in her new apartment. We hung out there for a bit, then went out for ice cream.

For dinner, we went to a new restaurant and had great food.

On the way home, The Knight and I played "I Spy" with the girls. We laughed together, each person's laughter bounding off the others and echoing into our hearts.

We got home and all went to bed early. As I lay in the dark cuddling with The Guppy, she whispered to me about all the fun she had today, a day that I thought would be uneventful and boring when I woke. Then she whispered And now it's night time, time to go to sleep and have good dreams. I smiled as we drifted off to sleep.

I woke up in the morning when The Guppy kissed my cheek. I look up at her, and she whispered And now it's morning time, time to wake up. As if our conversation was never interrupted by a full night of sleep and good dreams. And I realized that this type of conversation, the kind you can have only with really good friends and loved ones, the kind that just pick up where you left off no matter how much time has gone by....that's the best kind of conversation.

The Guppy sat up, stretched, and said Guess what, Mommy. My life is AWESOME!!

I couldn't agree more.

Uninterrupted Conversation

A Kiss For My Baby

I went to my appointment yesterday full of anxiety.

When it came time to listen to the baby's heartbeat, my heart leaped into my throat. As my midwife moved the doppler probe around my belly, I stared out the window and prayed.

My midwife searched for the heartbeat...and searched...and searched. She added more gel to the doppler probe and tried again. More minutes ticked by.

I became convinced that there was no heartbeat.

My midwife looked at my face and smiled. "Don't worry, I haven't given up. Don't give up yet." she said.

And then, suddenly, there it was. Strong. Reassuring. Beautiful.

My midwife and I looked at each other and smiled. And then I burst into tears.

My midwife took my hand and held it as I cried in relief. She wiped the doppler gel of my belly, then leaned over and gave the baby a kiss. I think I will love her forever for that.

Because I was so anxious about the baby, my midwife suggested that I come in again in two weeks instead of the usual four, so I can hear the heartbeat again sooner.

I slept last night with both hands hugging my baby, a smile on my face.

Thank you so much, my little belly bean, for showing me how strong and well you are.

A Kiss For My Baby

Please Keep Beating...

I'm now officially in the second trimester of this pregnancy. Tomorrow I will be 13 weeks.

Kalei's heart stopped beating at 14 weeks.

I have an appointment with my midwife on Monday, and I am terrified. This fear creeps up on me at unexpected moments, seizing my heart and making it skip, leaving me gasping for breathe.

I heard this baby's heartbeat at 9 weeks (9 weeks!) and it was so strong and comforting. But then I remember how I had heard Kalei's heartbeat at 12 weeks, and how strong it was then and how it still stopped beating.

I keep telling myself not to worry, that we will hear a strong heartbeat and not that awful quiet and stillness like last time. That I will know my baby is doing well. That calms my fears for a while, but then it always comes sneaking back up on me again.

Please, little love of mine, let me know that you are okay. Let me hear the beautiful sound of life.

Please Keep Beating...

Learning With Friends

This year in homeschooling I find myself moving a little farther away from workbooks and worksheets and more to hands on learning through activities. I've done this mostly because I've noticed that while the Mermaid loves to learn using both activities and workbooks, the Guppy is not fond of workbooks at all.

In fact, I think they rather bore her.

We've also joined a homeschool co-op made up of five families with kids from ages 2-6. We meet every other week, and the girls look forward to these get-togethers with great excitement and enthusiasm. I love that the girls are learning to interact with children of different ages, and that they are building lasting friendships with a regular group of children. I also love that since all the moms take turns leading each session, they get to learn from a different "teacher" every week, each with her own style.

These pictures are from our second session, when the children painted gourds, measured a pumpkin and took out the seeds to cook.

At yesterday's session, the kids learned about composting, seasons, harvesting, and made homemade apple sauce.

Even though we've only had three sessions, the children already act as if they are best friends. They care for one another, looking out for the younger children and making sure each child has a fair turn to participate in the activities.

Yesterday, after we left the meeting and got home, the Mermaid tugged at my hand until I bent over so she could whisper into my ear: I'm so glad I met all my new friends, Mommy. I love them so much!

I can't wait to see what the coming year brings!

Learning With Friends

These Quiet Moments

My dearest Guppy,

This letter is very much overdue, as your third birthday was over a month ago. Even back then, it didn't seem real. You were still the same delicate, sensitive two year old that you had been all year. Even now, over a month later, there are times that I forget that you are now three.

But little by little, I sense the small changes that have come over you. These small changes have been just enough to prove to me that yes, you are in fact getting older.

You still seem so delicate and fragile. But at times, a new streak of stubbornness shows through. Many times, instead of doing what I say without question as you have done in the past, you instead crossed your little arms over your chest and boldly told me "No!"

You interact more with other children. When you used to play quietly in the corner by yourself, you now jump into the games and chaos with all the other children. You boldly assert yourself, telling others what you don't like and what is okay.

You talk a lot more. And surprisingly, you reveal how much you observe during learning time. Your learning style is so different from the Mermaid's that for a while, I wondered if you were really learning anything at all. You are modest and quiet with your learning, compared to the Mermaid. While she loves to walk around and talk and sing about what she learned, you keep it all quietly inside you, until you bring it out in the most random moments to astonish us all.

Still, despite this new boldness and stubbornness within you, you still retain that delicate and sensitive quality that the Mermaid has abandoned by this age. You still like to cuddle with me, and give me kisses. You still like to be near me, in my arms if possible. You still bury your head in my shoulder or hide behind my legs when you see something that makes you nervous.

This morning I woke up early and rose to start my day. You instantly sat up, groggy with sleep and trying to keep your eyes open. But you wouldn't go back to sleep unless I was laying with you. When I tried to convince you, you simply threw your arms around my neck and said But I need you, Mommy.

Even though there were a lot of things to be done, I lay back down with you a little longer. Because there will come a day soon, when you won't need me anymore. So I resolve to enjoy these quiet moments of cuddling while I still can.

Happy (belated) Birthday, Guppy. We love you so much.

These Quiet Moments