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My Dearest Guppy,
As I walked into the living room you gave a cry of joy and signed "nurse". Your face told me what I already knew; your swollen gums confirmed it. Still teething, but now at nine months old, still only two teeth poking through.
I nursed you until you started to fall asleep. You then unlatched and did the most wonderful thing, in fact my favorite thing in the world: you threw your little arm over my neck in a hug and then drifted off to dream world. Your little hand grasped my hair and your arm felt warm and comforting against my neck. I watched the innocence on your face while you slept; watched your little eyelids flutter while you dreamed; watched your little tummy rise and fall with your breathing. I breathed in the sweet smell of your skin and the sweet, milky smell of your breathe.
As I lay there I wished more than anything in the world that I could bottle that moment and keep it to experience again whenever I wanted. But it only exists in my memory now. Tomorrow you will wake up and continue growing and developing. At nine months old you have grown in length and so your body and face has grown leaner. You are still my little chubbalubba, but your baby face is starting to develope into the leaner face of a toddler. You have three signs now: nurse, up, and more. You say Mama and know what it means. You say Dada but don't know what it means. You still aren't crawling, but you are closer than ever. And you love it when I pull you up to a standing position. You experienced your first 4th of July celebration. Your first time in a kiddie pool. You are afraid of dogs but love them at the same time: much like a person loves a roller coaster because it scares them. You love taking baths with your sister. And you are growing even more attached to your father and the Mermaid.
Only nine months old, and yet it seems so much older. It is hard for me to admit that you are growing so fast. How will I deal with the 10 month mark, then the 11th, and then the big One Year?
I had so much to do tonight. But I didn't care. I lay there and watched you sleep until the Knight needed my help with something. I lay there and studied every inch of your face, every cute little chubby roll, every tiny little finger and toe. I tried to commit as much of it to memory as I could, every feeling, every smell, every touch. Because it is the things that the camera doesn't catch that I am so desperate to remember.
Dear Guppy, one day the time will come when you insist that you are a big girl. You will tell me that you can put yourself to bed, that you don't need to be cuddled anymore. And I will smile because I will be so proud of you. I will tuck you in and give you a kiss and leave the room. I will be able to do all that because I will still have the memory of tonight and other nights like it. Memories where the whole world felt still and peaceful, where it was just you and I and your innocence radiated from your face like sunshine. And so, as I will close the door and you fall asleep like a big girl I will reflect on those memories...and I will be okay.
As I walked into the living room you gave a cry of joy and signed "nurse". Your face told me what I already knew; your swollen gums confirmed it. Still teething, but now at nine months old, still only two teeth poking through.
I nursed you until you started to fall asleep. You then unlatched and did the most wonderful thing, in fact my favorite thing in the world: you threw your little arm over my neck in a hug and then drifted off to dream world. Your little hand grasped my hair and your arm felt warm and comforting against my neck. I watched the innocence on your face while you slept; watched your little eyelids flutter while you dreamed; watched your little tummy rise and fall with your breathing. I breathed in the sweet smell of your skin and the sweet, milky smell of your breathe.
As I lay there I wished more than anything in the world that I could bottle that moment and keep it to experience again whenever I wanted. But it only exists in my memory now. Tomorrow you will wake up and continue growing and developing. At nine months old you have grown in length and so your body and face has grown leaner. You are still my little chubbalubba, but your baby face is starting to develope into the leaner face of a toddler. You have three signs now: nurse, up, and more. You say Mama and know what it means. You say Dada but don't know what it means. You still aren't crawling, but you are closer than ever. And you love it when I pull you up to a standing position. You experienced your first 4th of July celebration. Your first time in a kiddie pool. You are afraid of dogs but love them at the same time: much like a person loves a roller coaster because it scares them. You love taking baths with your sister. And you are growing even more attached to your father and the Mermaid.
Only nine months old, and yet it seems so much older. It is hard for me to admit that you are growing so fast. How will I deal with the 10 month mark, then the 11th, and then the big One Year?
I had so much to do tonight. But I didn't care. I lay there and watched you sleep until the Knight needed my help with something. I lay there and studied every inch of your face, every cute little chubby roll, every tiny little finger and toe. I tried to commit as much of it to memory as I could, every feeling, every smell, every touch. Because it is the things that the camera doesn't catch that I am so desperate to remember.
Dear Guppy, one day the time will come when you insist that you are a big girl. You will tell me that you can put yourself to bed, that you don't need to be cuddled anymore. And I will smile because I will be so proud of you. I will tuck you in and give you a kiss and leave the room. I will be able to do all that because I will still have the memory of tonight and other nights like it. Memories where the whole world felt still and peaceful, where it was just you and I and your innocence radiated from your face like sunshine. And so, as I will close the door and you fall asleep like a big girl I will reflect on those memories...and I will be okay.
1 comment:
So sweet. The moments are going more quickly now.
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