Book Review

The Mermaid throws tantrums. Not too often, but when she does they are HUGE. This sends me into a tizzy of frustration and I always slip and start yelling at her.

Yelling does not work with the Mermaid. In fact, the only thing she has learned is how to yell back.

I was browsing through our local LLL library and I found the book "How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and Listen So Your Kids Will Talk." by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

This book presents many methods that can be used to create cooperation from even the most stubborn children. It also looks at alternative means of discipline and even examines the role of praise. Each section deals with a particular method a parent could try and presents different scenarios to be filled out by the reader as a means of practice.

Although this book is geared to children older than the Mermaid, I found the areas on how to get your children to cooperate very helpful. By using some of the phrases the book suggests, I have been pretty successful on deterring a tantrum when I see it coming on, or even ending a tantrum quickly. The method that has worked best for us is describing the Mermaid's feelings for her out loud. Example:
"Mermaid, you can't have another cookie, you've already had too many"
This is followed by the Mermaid tearing up and getting upset, ready to go into a full blown tantrum because she, of course, wants another cookie.
"Wow! I can see how upset you are! You are not happy at all, are you?"
The Mermaid usually stops screaming and calms down enough to agree that, no, "I is not happy".
"I'm sorry that you are so upset. I wish I could give you all the cookies in the world, but it's just not good for your health. Would you like an apple and some hugs?"
The Mermaid then bounds into my lap for a hug and agrees to have a yummy apple.

Sounds amazingly simple, no? I thought so too. But I was surprised to find that yelling is a really hard habit to break. I still slip up a lot. But the more I remember to use the methods in the book the easier it gets to communicate with the Mermaid exactly what I want from her without having to deal with a huge blow out. I can already see improvement with the Mermaid's behavior as well. She herself is yelling less, and the other day when she was told that she could not play with my cell phone, instead of throwing a tantrum she immediately crawled into my lap and told me "I is not happy, hug please!"

Now that is progress.

I recommend this book to anyone who wants ideas for alternative discipline, anyone who finds that the more traditional means of discipline are not working for their family, or anyone who simply wants to improve on communicating with their children.

Book Review