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Growing up, I heard the same things over and over again. If you don't go to church, you go to Hell. If you don't confess your sins, you go to Hell. If you aren't baptized, you go to Hell.
Those are the things I heard in the church and in my catholic school. However, my mother added on a few of her own: Don't use the Ouija board; you'll go to Hell. Don't buy that statue of Buddha, that's blasphemy and you'll go to Hell. Don't have anything to do with witchcraft, you'll go to Hell.
Do I really believe that doing those things will automatically slot a space for me in Hell? No. I only went to church through the school. I never went to confession: I hated the thought of having to confess my sins to a priest when I felt I could talk to God myself. I used a Ouija board, and I even bought that statue of Buddha. While the Mermaid is baptized, the Guppy is not, and I don't believe that she is going to go to Hell.
However, there is always that lingering thought in the back of my mind called Just in Case. Should I get the Guppy baptized, Just in Case? Should I ditch the Buddha statue, Just in Case? Should we start to attend church again, Just in Case?
One other message that I grew up with was that the Catholic Church is The Way. No other church is accepted as The Way, so if you wanted salvation and you wanted to go to Heaven, going Catholic is The Way. And if you converted to another religion, well, you lost your ticket and your seat on The Way and you were most likely going to Hell.
Now, I know that there are a lot of Catholic churches and Catholic families out there that go through life without sending/receiving these messages, but this was my personal experience as I was growing up and it instilled in me The Catholic Guilt and the permanent presence of Just in Case.
It's the presence of these two feelings and thoughts in me that keeps me from fully exploring my spirituality. For example, I would really love to further explore Buddhism and Wiccan. From what I know of these two faiths, they really speak to the values I hold as a person. But whenever I go to research it further, or I feel a pull inside of me that makes me think one of these faiths is right for me, The Catholic Guilt and Just in Case pops up and keeps me from completely diving in.
Catholic Guilt: OMGoodness, you want to look into another religion? That's Blasphemy and you could go to Hell!
Just in Case: I agree! Maybe you should stick to the Catholic church, just in case.
And so, it seems that if I want to continue on my journey of faith, then I must first deal with my guilt, and my self-doubt.
4 comments:
I would encourage you to really read the Bible on your own and try to look at Christianity from a new perspective. That could be hard considering your background, but there is more to it than the organized religion of "The Church" I do think you have to find your own way. There is freedom in Christ, but guilt and shame is not the point.
I don't think that it is just a Catholic issue as I know many a 'wayward' Christian who suffers from PTCD (post traumatic converted disorder - lol).
I second picking up your bible and reading on your own. The issue with Denominations is this: they were all designed by man. The only way to seek God is by YOURSELF... Our God is not a God of shame, but of love. He says that ALL who seek Him will find Him and that His yoke is easy and His burden is light...
Notice He doesn't say that there IS NO burden and no yoke - simply that His direction (yoke) is easy and His burden on your heart is LIGHT... There IS freedom in Christ - not condemnation.
Feel free to email me if you want to talk - but I won't be offended if I don't hear from you either ;o)
The Bible says that the wages of sin is death, but even if we didn't commit a sin we're already condemned because of the sins committed by Adam and Eve. Sounds depressing but there's good news! The gift of God is eternal life through Christ! It's not through a church or confessions. Christ took the penalty for the sins of his people on the cross. "Acts of righteousness" will not save you or be the "just in case" but believing on the Lord Jesus Christ will save you. Does that make any sense? I hope to encourage you because so many times we can get caught up in works that we miss what salvation is really all about. I third the suggestion to read the Bible and ask God to show you the Truth.
just in case, dig and check it out, the other religions, you may find spirital enlightenment in other ways of thinking and being, all religions should coexist/together/everyone be happy within yourself!!...once in a while you get shown the light int he strangest of ways if you look at it right :) good for you to question, and be so honest on your blog! Peace be with you and yours!
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