Family History

My favorite book of all time is The Red Tent. I love many things about this book, but one thing that touched me personally is how the women in the book would pass down their stories to their daughters so that they would not be forgotten after their death. The author writes:

"If you want to understand any woman you must first ask about her mother and then listen carefully. Stories about food show a strong connection. Wistful silences demonstrate unfinished business. The more a daughter knows the details of her mother's life - without flinching or whining - the stronger the daughter."

I think this point is lost in our busy and hectic society today. How many women in this country could tell someone what her mother's dreams were, what her disappointments were, what her triumphs were? Probably a good number, but definitely not all. What about if they were asked about their grandmothers? The number would be significantly less. Their great-grandmothers? I would be surprised if any woman could answer. It seems that today's society has trained it's younger generations to be so focused on themselves and so hectic in achieving their dreams that they fail to realize the importance of learning about the women whom they came from.

I missed out on this chance with my grandmother, as she died about three years ago. I won't miss this chance again. In the coming weeks, my cousin and I are going to sit down with my great-grandmother. We are going to bring a tape recorder, paper and pens, and most importantly, our open ears, hearts, and minds. My great-grandmother is 96 years old, but looks 75 at the most and has the clarity of mind of that of a 50 year old. She writes for a local paper, is active in the senior center, and has a social calender that is busier than most. She has lived through the Great Depression and numerous wars. We will ask her what her dreams were, what her triumphs were, what her life was like. We will record her stories.

I will share her stories with my daughters, along with the stories of my mother and my own stories. I want my daughters to be two of the few women who, when asked about their maternal ancestors, will smile and pull up a comfy chair and pour a cup of tea, because they will have lots to tell.

What about you? Will your daughter know what your dreams were? Will she know about your accomplishments, about your heart breaks, about your triumphs? Will she pass it on to your grandchildren and great grandchildren? Or will your stories die when you leave the earth, leaving only a name and dates on your tomb stone.

Family History