I Meant It.

On Saturday we had a surprise birthday party for The Knight. His parents and I rented a hall, and we had food, music, raffles, and dancing. It's always fun to get together with family, and this party was no exception. He certainly was surprised!!

I think about how far we've come since filing for divorce. And how things seem so much better, and we seem so much stronger.

And when I wrote, "I love you forever" on his birthday card, well...I meant it.

Happy birthday to my Knight. Love always.

I Meant It.

The Third Wheel

We drop the girls off at their grandparent's and use our Christmas gift cards to go on a "date".

The Tadpole tags along, but cute as he is, he makes a fun "third wheel."

And The Knight and I talk. First it was mostly about the past, but it has gradually shifted to talks about the future. Plans we are making that involve us staying together, our family intact.

We've learned to listen to each other. To pause and think before responding in anger. To re-phrase our wording, so our talks have less blame and negativity in them.

Is everything perfect? Far from it. But, it's getting better. We've had arguments, but....they are different from the ones we had before we filed for divorce. Before, we would yell, lash out, try to hurt with words sharpened like barbed spears. Now, when we have an argument, our voices may rise, but we don't yell. There are lots of pauses, lots of thinking, lots of concessions and compromises.

Our date nights are enjoyable, we laugh together. Like before. And when we leave the restaurant, he slips his hand into mine as we walk across the parking lot and I think, This almost feels like it was when we first got married. Almost.

When we first went to counseling and discussed with the counselor what had happened between us, she told us that it was one of the hardest things for a marriage to survive...but if the marriage did survive, it would be stronger than ever. Secretly I mocked her. But now, I am thinking that she was right.

But there's a lot of hope in that statement, too. I hope she was right.

The Third Wheel

Post Holiday Ramblings

Eleven days since I last sat down to write a post in this blog.

Eleven days of not being able to find the time in the Holiday Chaos.

Eleven days, and during that time: I went on call for an early January birth; The Tadpole turned 7 months old; I took 386 pictures (386!); I baked four batches of vegan cupcakes and two batches of non-vegan cookies; I agonized over shipping estimates and ran out to my mailbox 22 times; I cleaned out the girl's room, decorated the house, and wrapped presents.

My vegan Tiramisu cupcakes

And I just managed to get through it all without getting completely overwhelmed.

And it was all worth it.

Gift-wise, this Christmas was our smallest Christmas yet. But in all other ways, it was our biggest. The kids didn't notice that there were fewer gifts under the tree. I like to think that it was because the fewer gifts you buy, the more thought you put in to each gift.

And now it's over, the whirlwind has passed, leaving only wonderful memories for my children to cherish.

Now the snow is falling outside, everyone is in bed except for me. The Tadpole has a bad cold right now and hasn't been sleeping well, and I think I finally caught it from him because my throat is starting to get sore. I'm taking elderberry syrup, and hoping it doesn't get any worse than this.

I can hear the wind beating against the glass door. The Tadpole's diapers are out on the back deck, but I am not daring enough to brave the chilly wind to go retrieve them.

I'm hoping my client doesn't call tonight. It would be nice to get one night of good sleep before the birth.

Post Holiday Ramblings

The Next Generation

This year in my family on The Knight's side, three babies were born. Bringing the total number of children in the next generation to seven.

Every year the family grows larger. We are so blessed and lucky!

This weekend I snapped some pictures of the girls and The Tadpole with their cousin C. Some of them were shot outside.

It's fun watching the kids grow up together. It certainly makes the family holiday gatherings more joyful <3

You Capture

The Next Generation

11 Days

We finally put our tree up this weekend. The Knight and I let the girls take the lead this year, and I think they did a fabulous job.

Afterwards The Mermaid picked up The Tadpole and carried him over so that he could get a good look at his first Christmas tree. We already have his first ornament hanging from one of the branches.

Whenever The Mermaid picks up The Tadpole, his whole face lights up. She's usually picking him up to show him something, and I swear he looks at where she points and his face gets serious as he concentrates and studies whatever it is she is showing him.

He may not know what it is, but at only 6 months old, he can tell it is important to The Mermaid that he see it.

I always say that the girls spoil The Tadpole...but I think he spoils them, too.

11 Days

Kindred Spirits

They are so much alike, both in looks and personality.

They truly are kindred spirits.

You Capture.

Kindred Spirits

I Promise

My dearest Guppy,

You are my sweet child, the one whose birth taught me that I can reach deep into myself and accomplish anything. Your compassion and empathy towards others never ceases to amaze me

Dear Guppy, to you I promise:

To always be thankful for your presence in my life. To remember that you are my free-spirited child, my barefoot daughter in the grass, my child of fairies and princesses. I promise to help you keep your sense of wonder and imagination.

I promise to model patience, perseverance, and a willingness to look at things from your point of view, so that you may learn how to practice these values.

I promise to show you the true value and power of being a woman and a mother, and to guide you on the somewhat rocky path to womanhood.

I promise to take all your childhood wishes and dreams seriously, no matter how silly they may seem to the rest of the world.

I promise to be there through every disappointing event, through all the break ups and break outs, through days of teenage angst.

I promise to guide and protect you, but at the same time I promise to be honest about the harsh realities of the world, and let you learn from your own mistakes.

Most importantly, I promise to support you in any path you choose, love you unconditionally, and always make you feel welcome in my arms.

I wrote these promises to The Guppy as part of her baby blessing, and I am sharing them now.

I Promise

Morning Routine

It's the same every morning.

The Guppy and The Mermaid eagerly wait until I am done with The Tadpole's morning feeding/burping/changing.

They wait until I put him in the bouncy chair so I can make breakfast.

Then they descend upon him, full of love and joy and laughter and just being in the moment of loving that they have a baby brother.

The Guppy reads him a story and The Mermaid gets him to smile.

And as I am slicing up the strawberries, I hear The Mermaid coo "We just love you so much, Tadpole."

And though I thought it impossible, my heart expands just a little more.

Morning Routine

Did I Mention This?

Did I mention that I'm an aunt now?

My lovely SIL had her baby on March 18th, about 8 weeks before The Tadpole was born. And so, I became an Aunt.

Isn't Baby C just gorgeous?

My lovely SIL, holding The Tadpole

Our family get togethers have now turned into one babyfest, and everyone loves it.

I can't wait to watch The Tadpole and Baby C grow up together!

Did I Mention This?

Spoiled

You can't spoil a baby, really....but sometimes I think we come close.

Like when we hear The Tadpole start to wake up, and the girls and I literally race to see who can get there first, to be the first one to greet him from his sleep.

Or when he starts to fuss, and The Mermaid chastises me when I don't pick him up right away.

They crowd around me as I nurse him, touching his feet and hands and hair.

Please Mommy, can I see his eyes? Are they open? They are so beautiful.

They play dress up with him, and take his picture:

Photo by The Mermaid

They are really good at getting him to smile.

Sometimes, at the end of the day, I think to myself If I hear "Mommy I want to hold him" one more time I will scream!

I read the girls a bedtime story, and then sure enough, Mommy can we hold him one more time? Please?

Afterwards, with the girls slumbering peacefully upstairs, I hold my little man and kiss his head.

I wonder if he knows what he has gotten himself into with this family.

And I wonder if he knows just how much he is loved.

Little man, we are so happy that you are here!

Spoiled

Sharing Secrets

I don't know what they were whispering about...what secrets they were sharing....

And it's not important anyway.

I just know that despite how crazy and insane life is right now....there is still so much joy in this house.

Joyful secrets that sisters share...we are so blessed.

Sharing Secrets

Easter Hugs

I like Easter because it is so much fun for the girls. Easter egg hunts, anticipation of the bunny's arrival...so much joy.

So much love, so many hugs.

I hope you had a good one, friends.

Easter Hugs

Right In Front Of Me

I know that sometimes I worry too much.

I've been doing that a lot lately.

This morning, when I came down to make breakfast, The Mermaid handed me a drawing that she had made for me. I read the words she wrote and couldn't believe it. When I asked her where she saw these words, she pointed to two tablets that have hung in the kitchen for over six months now.

The answer had been right in front of my eyes this whole time. I just needed a little reminder, sent to me from my beautiful girl.

Faith. Hope. Love. Believe. Dream. Imagine.

Somehow, the future is a little less scary then before...

Right In Front Of Me

My Sweets...

I had a most wondrous Valentine's Day this year...

We decided to spend the day relaxing at home, spending time with each other. We did get in a trip to the grocery store to stock up on groceries, but other than that it was filled with lots of card making, cuddling, hugs, and kisses.

The Knight bought me beautiful flowers and a nice basket to store my yarn in. I love the basket, although I think it was his way of politely telling me that he is tired of having to step over my yarn and needles whenever he walks into the living room...
Today we are getting snowed in, the perfect opportunity and excuse to stay home, drink hot tea, and knit.

I have lots of projects that I am looking forward to knitting, but I know that the sweetest creations of all are my two beautiful girls and the life I hold inside me.

We can't wait to be a family of four....

My Sweets...

More Family Fun With Disney On Ice

Last month, thanks to MomCentral, The Knight and I were able to take the girls out for a fabulous night to a showing of Disney on Ice.

Mom Central has done it again! We are so excited to be taking the girls this weekend to see Disney On Ice's newest show, Let's Celebrate!!

Not only that, but you can also take advantage of the great offers on ticket prices!

Let me know if you plan on going, I'll keep an eye out for you!!

TD Garden - FEB. 12 - 21

SCHOOL VACATION WEEK!

Disney On Ice presents Let’s Celebrate! It’s one colossal party on ice, with all your favorite Disney friends! Join Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse as they celebrate a Very Merry Unbirthday Party with Alice and the Mad Hatter; a Royal Valentine’s Day Ball with the Disney Princesses, including Cinderella, Ariel and Tiana; a Hawaiian luau with Lilo & Stitch; a winter wonderland with Woody and Buzz Lightyear from Disney/Pixar’s Toy Story; a Halloween haunt with the Disney Villains and more in a magical medley of holidays, celebrations and festivals from around the globe. Come join the party when this spectacular

ice show visits your hometown!

A SPECIAL OFFER FOR YOU!

Purchase a 4-pack of tickets for only $44 for weekday shows, or

receive $4 off weekend tickets by logging onto www.ticketmaster.com and entering the promotional code:MOM.*

TD Garden show dates:

Friday, February 12 - 7pm**

Saturday, February 13 11am and 3pm

Sunday, February 14 12NOON and 4pm

Monday, February 15 - 11am and 3pm

Tuesday, February 16 - no shows

Wednesday, February 17 - 1pm

Thursday, February 18 - 11am and 3pm

Friday, February 19 - 1pm and 7pm

Saturday, February 20 - 11am and 3pm

Sunday, February 21 - 12NOON and 4pm

*Get 4 tickets for $44 Monday-Friday matinee or $4 off weekend Friday evening – Sunday. Use promo code “MOM” at time of purchase by phone 1-800-745-3000 or visit www.ticketmaster.com. Minimum purchase of

4 tickets required; additional tickets above 4 can be purchased at $11 each. Offer not valid on Front Row, VIP or CLUB seats. Cannot be combined with other offers. Additional service charges, facility fee, & handling fees will apply.

**Friday, February 12th 7pm performance is our Opening Night performance and all Tickets are $15 (no code required and excluding Front Row, VIP and CLUB seating)!!!

More Family Fun With Disney On Ice

A Soccer Baby?

Sunday morning I woke up early and lay there, feeling the baby kick away.

The Mermaid came in to our room to say hello, and I took her hand and pressed it against my belly, and right away she felt the baby kick.

You know those moments when you wish so badly that you had a camera? Well, it was one of those moments. The expression on her face was priceless....joy and excitement and surprise.

The next 15 minutes she asked question after question about why the baby is kicking. "Is the baby dancing? Scared? Jumping? Practicing for soccer?"

I explained as best as I could that babies just kick while they are in their mommies....its their way of getting used to how to use their body.

I think she understood...but she still thinks that this baby is going to be born a soccer star. And she is very impressed.

Not even here yet, little one, and already surrounded by so much love...

A Soccer Baby?

Put Together, Piece By Piece

Two children....
Born to the same two parents...
Raised in the same exact household...

With the exact same principles...

....amazingly turn out different from each other in so many ways.

Their different personalities create a nice balance in the house...like a giant puzzle that looks impossible to complete, but then you discover that the pieces fit so perfectly together to create a beautiful picture.

Not a perfect picture, but beautiful nonetheless.

I can't wait to see what the baby adds to the mix.

Put Together, Piece By Piece

Free Range?

When I was little, I remember being allowed to explore my neighborhood on my own. I would come home from school at a young age (I walked to and from school on my own), do my homework, and would be gone until dinner time. My mother never had to check on me, or question where I had been, because I knew my boundaries and followed them.

Of course, things are different today. We live in a culture of fear, where few parents let their kids out on their own for fear of abduction, etc. And those parents who do dare to let their kids be kids are sometimes view as neglectful and uncaring.

A while back I heard of Lenore Skenazy and her book Free Range Parenting. While I haven't read the book yet, I do read her blog daily. Free Range Parenting has presented me with the solution to this culture of fear. According to her website:

Do you ever…

..let your kid ride a bike to the library? Walk alone to school? Take a bus, solo? Or are you thinking about it? If so, you are raising a Free Range Kid! At Free Range, we believe in safe kids. We believe in helmets, car seats and safety belts. We do NOT believe that every time school age children go outside, they need a security detail. Most of us grew up Free Range and lived to tell the tale. Our kids deserve no less. This site dedicated to sane parenting.

I imagine her book has a lot of the same principles outlined in The Last Child In The Woods, which I have read and highly recommend. In the meantime, I enjoy reading her blog as she presents daily examples of "helicopter parenting" and opens the comments up for discussion, which can be very interesting.

The Knight and I let our girls go outside and play on their own. They follow the rules and know their boundaries. Sadly, when we first moved in here, we were hesitant to let them out on their own...not because we were afraid something would happen to them, but because we didn't know how the neighbors would react (we had friends who had neighbors call CPS on them because they let their children play outside on their own). While the neighbors seem to not care either way, I do find it sad that while I know there are other children our girls ages who live on our quiet, dead end street...we've never seen or met them. They are never allowed outside to play.

For us, this doesn't just apply to playing outside, either, but to many aspects of our parenting. Both my girls use scissors and knives. They can get their own drinks, food, and dress themselves. I've always allowed them to climb on toddlers on park structure, much to the shock of the other "helicopter parents" that are present. And yes, sometimes when I do have to run into the store really quick to pick up our pizza, or pay for gas, I leave them in the van by themselves.

I curious on your opinion on Free Range Parenting. If you are unfamiliar with the site, go and check out the Why Free Range? section on Lenore's blog, and let me know what you think.

Free Range?

We Are Still That Close

She's always so laid back and relaxed, a go-with-the-flow type of gal.

But sometimes she lets the smallest things really get to her...like yesterday, when she came to me in tears convinced that because she was wearing pants, she was no longer a girl. It took me a half hour to convince her otherwise.
Three years old and she already knows how to sneak into her big sister's closet and "borrow" her clothes. She tells me she feels like a princess when she wears them.

She is a cuddle bug, she is. Always cuddling like she can't ever get close enough.

We talk about the baby and then I take out pictures of her birth and she gasps at one that shows my pregnant belly, full of her and as big as the moon. We were really that close? she asks me, her voice in awe.

I give her a hug and tell her yes, we were. And we still are.

We Are Still That Close

The Best Thing

She is always enthusiastic and cheerful and excited.

She loves that she's a big girl, but she still needs cuddles from her mommy.

Sometimes she can be a drama queen. She makes it seem like a good thing, though.

Yesterday she told me that she hopes the baby is a boy. She tells me that she is going to be the best big sister ever.

I think back to her first Christmas, when that morning I had held her in my arms and told whispered in her ear, Did I ever tell you that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me?

It's still true.

The Best Thing