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Top Ten List for People Who Aren't the Pregnant Couple
1) The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is "Congratulations!" with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you a jerk.
With my first pregnancy, I got a lot of mixed reactions, since the baby was a surprise. With the Guppy's pregnancy, luckily I only got excited reactions.
2) Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father- not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase "my baby".
Luckily no one has ever referred to my babies as "their baby". I would have kicked their ass if they did.
3) On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in #2, the pregnancy, birth and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it.
I wish more people realized this, too. I had a lot of people telling me that I "had" to do this or I "had" to do that. For example, before we knew that the Guppy was a girl I mentioned to someone that if the baby was a boy we weren't going to circumcize. Her response? "OMG you HAVE to circumcise!" Um....why? Is there a law saying we do? No? Then BUTT OUT. With the Mermaid's pregnancy I also had someone say that they will keep formula in the house because they knew "I would want to supplement". Well thanks for the vote of confidence :o/
4) The body of a pregnant women should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone's stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman.
This REALLY irritated me. When I was pregnant both times, all of a sudden my belly was deemed public property. Do NOT touch the belly of a pregnant woman, it is RUDE! And no, it is none of your business what my cervix is doing, thank-you-very-much.
5) Likewise, no women wants to hear comments on her weight- ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is "You look fabulous!".
Luckily in my case, the people who knew me knew better than to comment on my weight. I did get a lot of "you look fabulous" from my Aunt and my cousin (thank you, ladies!). Sometimes strangers would make comments, but I would just ignore them.
6) By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don't need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes.
Yes, Yes, Yes! And when you do see us hot and sweaty, there is no need to point it out by saying, "You look really hot".
7) There is a reason that tickets to L&D are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents.
Yup. I invited only the people I was comfortable having there. And it worked out well.
8) Like everything else is life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital and the parents home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to "help out". If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.
Self explanatory. Don't assume a pregnant woman is going to want you at her house at all hours to "help out". I know with the Guppy's birth, I just wanted us to be left alone.
9) If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping.
Yes! It would drive me NUTS when people would say, "Oh do you want me to hold the baby so you can do laundry/wash dishes/pick up after the mess I just made while visiting you?"
10) The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.
This is so true, especially the last part. After the Guppy's birth we had a week long baby moon and told everyone not to visit. The more people complained, the more we resented having them over at all. Seeing the newborn baby is a priviledge, not a right. It is not about you, it is about the parents and their new baby.
Thou shalt not fuck with these laws, at least if you want to stay on the good side of the pregnant mom.
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