Make A Wish

Their birthday party was this weekend.

They are now six and four.

Six and four!!

They make a wish, and take a deep breathe.

I wonder what they wished for.

I hope all their wishes come true.

Make A Wish

I Feel Much Older Than I Am..

Sunday was Father's Day (Happy Father's Day to my shining knight!). It was also my birthday.

On Saturday we had a cookout and invited family and friends to celebrate. Thank goodness we picked the one day in the past TWO WEEKS that it hasn't rained. Because really? Two weeks straight of rain? But that's a whole 'nother post...

Anyways, we had lots of fun visiting with each other and that mystical ball of light called the Sun. It was the first cookout we've held at our house and I must say, it was a success. I got some great presents, too:

New sneakers for running and exercising; a teapot for brewing my lovely tea; the book Spiritual Midwifery; the movie The Business of Being Born; and incense stick thingies. And, my mom got me my absolute favorite flowers, sunflowers!I love it when my family takes the time to get things off my wish list. A guaranteed hit for me. Plus, I also got lots of cash. I love cash for presents....so many possibilities.

I didn't know how nice the sneakers were until I wore them while doing my paper route this morning instead of my cheap payless sneakers. OMGoodness, what a difference; it was the first time ever that my legs were not screaming at me by the time I finished the route.

Which was a really, really good thing, because my jeep broke down on me. In the middle of my route. I know I like to strive for balance in my life, but having a crappy day after a wonderful day is not the type of balance I had in mind. But, my wonderful mother has AAA, so we got it towed and the Knight took the day off, which is always fabulous.

Plus, my feet look really cool in my new shoes.

I Feel Much Older Than I Am..

Happy Birthday to My Knight!!

The love of my life had his birthday this past weekend. We opted to have a small gathering to celebrate, with some cake and presents. It was a great time! Here are some pics:

Happy Birthday Knight!!!

Happy Birthday to My Knight!!

Proof That I Am Truly Crazy

Saturday we held the girls' birthday party. Since the Mermaid's birthday is Sept. 3rd and the Guppy's birthday is Sept. 26th, we decided to have a joint party. We also decided that since we are in the process of moving, it would be very small. Cake and Ice Cream with friends and family, then Chuck E Cheese's.

That's right, Chuck E Cheese's. On a Saturday night. When it was raining.

It was an absolute mob scene. But, the girls had lots of fun :o)

Here are some pics from the cake and ice cream part of the night. The girls TONS of arts and craft supplies (love it!), some books, and some clothes. They also each got a doll with a carrier and stroller. So, minimal plastic junk and great tools for homeschooling. Love it.

Proof That I Am Truly Crazy

Still Cheering You On

It's this morning. You and I are in the van, just the two of us. I'm taking you out for breakfast for your birthday. I already promised you that you can have the pancakes with the M&M's.

We pull into the parking lot and I glance down just in time to see the clock turn to 7:33 AM. The exact time you were born, four years ago. The first glimpse of your precious newborn face flashes through my mind, and then I glance into the rearview mirror to observe you quietly for a moment. You are excited, talking about how many pancakes you are going to order, your face lit up in delight, one pigtail slightly higher than the other, a smudge of toothpaste still on the corner of your mouth. You are beautiful.

We sit down at the table and order our juice, and then you announce that you have to use the potty. We head towards the single-stall restroom, but when we reach the door you spin around, put out your hand, and say, "No Mommy, you stay here. I can do it myself." I shouldn't be surprised. You were always the independent one, you always knew what you wanted and that was that. You chose when to wean, you chose when to potty train, and now, you are choosing to grow up and become even more independent, whether I am ready for it or not.

As much as I hate to admit it, I am not ready.

How did this happen? Did I really, truly think that you would stay little forever? That I would have all the time in the world to make up for our rocky newborn days, when I suffered from postpartum depression and did little but the basics to meet your needs? I yearn so much to be able to turn back the clock and go back to those newborn days, to change my actions, to do more than change your diapers and nurse you, to actually hold you and cuddle with you and take in your sweet, newborn scent. Now, when I ask to snuggle with you, you manage to sit still next to me for about five minutes before you bounce off to continue to play.

You exit the restroom and we return to the table and order our food. We talk and color, you write out your name and we count to 20. When the waitress brings our food, you announce to her that you are now four years old, your face proud and overjoyed.

I take a deep breathe, and let out all my feelings of regret. You are independent. You have outgrown so many needs that you received from me. You no longer need nursies, you no longer need me to help you go potty, and most of the time, you no longer need me to cuddle with you. But, that does not make me insignificant in your life. You still need me to teach you, to hold your hand in parking lots, and to help you pick out your outfits. You and I still have a special bond that I will always cherish; the bond of a mother and daughter. I will always be here for you, no matter how independent you become, no matter how many times you tell me, "No Mommy, I can do it myself."

When we exit the restaurant and head for the van, you automatically slip your hand into mine and I smile. I give it three quick squeezes: our silent code for "I love you." You turn your still-little face up to mine and say, "I love you too, Mommy" and my heart melts.

Tonight you have your very first soccer practice. The days of playdates are slowly transitioning into organized sports and homeschooling activities, and now I am okay with it. Now, instead of sitting in my lap nursing while I chat with other moms at a playgroup, you will be on the field, by yourself, learning and laughing without me by your side. But, if you stop for a second and listen closely, you will hear me cheering you on from the sidelines. Always.

Happy Birthday, my precious Mermaid. I love you so much.

Still Cheering You On

Catching Up and Just Breathing

Some bits and pieces of our life...

~ Had a client go into labor Monday night at 9 PM. Baby was born Tuesday at 10:51 AM. Mom was beautiful, baby was beautiful, beautiful family! All is well.

~ Yesterday was the home inspection on the new house. It pretty much passed with flying colors, just some small improvements need to be made. Next step is the P & S.

~ The Guppy has been cutting back a little on her daytime feedings. Since she was feeding 6-8 times a day, this is a relief to me. After we get settled in the new house and our life isn't as rushed, then I will gently night-wean her.

~ The girls' birthdays are coming up: the Mermaid on September 3rd and the Guppy on Sept 26th. Since the closing date on the house is September 30th and I have a client due September 30th, we are going to try to have a very low-key and small party for them the first weekend of September. Wait....first weekend....isn't that in two week?!? I better get cracking!

That's it for updates. Life is good.

Catching Up and Just Breathing

Birthday Celebration, Part II

Saturday night we celebrated my birthday with the fam at Fire and Ice in Providence. I love Fire and Ice, the food is always great and it has such a great atmosphere.

I got a new GPS, some more books, and shopping money. The books I got were 14341434: The Year a Magnificent Chinese Fleet Sailed to Italy and Ignited the Renaissance and The Last Child in the Woods. I've already finished the two books that I got Friday night and I am about 100 pages into The Last Child in the Woods, which is very intriguing. The God of Animals was fantastic, and Say You're One of Themwas sad and somewhat shocking, but necessary.

After dinner we went down to the riverwalk, where they were lighting min-bonfires on the river. Providence is such a beautiful city, with such a great atmosphere. We live about one hour away from Boston and 40 minutes away from Providence, so we are very lucky that we get to go to both cities often.

Birthday Celebration, Part II

That's Much, Much Better...

Last night I went out for a girls night to celebrate my birthday. We went to Clay Time Studio, and it was a blast. They let you bring your own snacks and adult beverages, so I brought some wine and chips and dip. You basically pick out the piece of pottery that you like, paint and decorate it, and then they fire it in the kiln and you pick it up a week later.

I picked out a giant coffee mug and decorated it with a baby foot, baby hand, spirals, a pregnant belly, and on the bottom, a vulva. It's my new doula cup. I'm not artistic, but I'll take picture of it when I get it back.

Having a girls night out was just what I needed. We drank wine, talked girl talk, and expressed ourselves creatively. It was just perfect; talking about things that you can't speak to your husband about; laughing continuously all night, the kind of laugh that makes you throw your head back and you can feel the laughter bubbling and rising up from your heart and flowing gloriously out into the air. Feeling free because there are no children climbing on your lap, demanding "na nas" or juice or lovie or whatever else they can think of. Feeling pretty because you are wearing nice clothes and jewelry and your hair is done up and you have makeup on and you aren't worried about getting spit up on or having apple juice spilled on your nice clothes. Towards the end we even got into quite a lively and invigorating discussion about the maternity system and how broken it is.

I also got a few gifts from my generous friends, which is always great! From my lovely SIL I got two books: God of Animals and Say You're One of Them. From my friend K, I got lovely candle holders and candles. And from my friend J, I got a most lovely card and a gift card to Kohl's, my all time favorite store.

I also got some lovely jewelry from the wonderful Knight. I wore it to the Girls' Night Out and got so many great compliments!

I came home feeling refreshed and energized. The Guppy was still awake and demanded "na nas" and instead of the annoyance that I had been feeling about nursing and cleaning up vomit all week, I swept her up in my arms and kissed and tickled her and listened to her laughter as it rang like a fairy bell through the house. I didn't mind nursing her. I am her mother and she is my baby and I love her dearly, but I am also a woman and I think I had forgotten to nurture that side of myself this week. The night out had done that and more, so I was ready to snuggle and tickle and even wipe some noses as we settled down for the night.

Tonight is part II of my birthday celebration, dinner with the family at Fire and Ice.

That's Much, Much Better...

I Can Twitch Like Michael Jackson!

Saturday night we attended my uncle's surprise birthday party. The theme of the party was death, grim reaper, etc. (Yes, my family has a weird and crazy sense of humor, but I have the same humour, so I think it's funny). My mother got this crazy idea that she and all the "kids" should do the dance from Michael Jackson's Thriller video. The Knight and I took the girls to my mother's house straight from the walk to learn the dance. Then my mother dressed herself up as the grim reapers and the Knight and my sister up as zombies? ghouls? Not sure exactly what, but something freaky.

The Knight, My Mother, and My Sister

Even the Mermaid got a little face paint.

The dance went great and was hilarious. Soon after, the Mermaid completely conked out and we made a bed of chairs for her to sleep on. Normally, the Mermaid is the one out on the dance floor tearing it up with her moves, but because she was sleeping, the Guppy felt it was her duty to keep the dance floor moving. She was a HUGE hit!

Showing off her moves

She learned her breakdancing moves from me

Tearing up the floor!

We got home late Saturday night, and on Sunday we went to the circus. More on that later.

I Can Twitch Like Michael Jackson!