And Life Keep Moving Along

There once was a time when, if my life was written out in a book, it would be called Diapers and Nursings.

Where my day was consumed with wiping boogies and cutting up lunches in bite-sized pieces; changing diapers and carrying babies around on my back in my carriers.

I guess most days, it still looks a lot like that.

Sometimes it is hard for me to believe that one day, I will have a life that goes beyond their needs.

I'm looking forward to it.

Don't get me wrong, I love being a mother. LOVE it! And I love my children. I love being a mother so much, I got addicted to the process of becoming a mother, got addicted to helping women transform and become mothers themselves.

But.

BUT.

In ten days The Tadpole will be nine months old. And three months after that, he will be a year. And this tugs at all the strings in my heart, and makes me want to pick him up and never put him down, as if holding him tightly in my arms will keep him from growing up too quickly.

That's what I'm feeling in my heart. I don't want to let go.

But in my mind...in my mind I'm starting to rejoice just a little. Rejoice in the fact that I can finally see on the horizon a day where I can carry around cute little purses instead of the huge beach bags I tote around now. Or where I won't have any diapers to wash. Or I won't have to pump (although I simply cannot rejoice about not breastfeeding. I love that connection too much). Or that one day, I can leave the house without having to take half an hour to get all the kids bundled up and buckled in and happy.

The Mermaid and I have been having so much fun with her first official year of school. And lately I've been signing her up for activities that are drop-off. As in, OMG I can leave and for a couple of hours I have only two kids and I feel a little like I'm on vacation!

And won't it be so, so grand when I can do that with all three kids?

And won't it be so, so grand when I can have a little more flexibility and freedom to pursue my career in the birthing field?

I'm going to be going to nursing school in the fall of 2012. This is primarily to fulfill all the general education requirements to take the IBCLC exam. In the meantime, I've been working really hard to build my doula business back up and in general, plan my future.

I will always be a stay-at-home mom. I will always be there for them, educating them, supporting them. And I'm trying so hard not to get too far ahead of myself, and I know for sure that I will miss these baby days....but I'm excited for the future.

And from where I'm standing, my life is so very grand.

And Life Keep Moving Along