It Matters

Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does. ~ William James

Lately it's been the same day after day after day.

Cleaning the house so it can be messy again, never managing to completely keep up with the laundry.

The same old errands, same chores, same emails, everything the same.

It makes me wonder why I'm doing all this, especially when the kids aren't listening and the house is trashed (again!) and I got nothing done all week despite the fact that I was running around like crazy.

And I wonder, What is the fricking point? Why does any of this matter?

And sometimes even, I don't matter.

That feeling of having a life full of purpose, of making a difference, starts to slip away.

Then The Mermaid brings me a card that she made herself. The Guppy asks me to sing her a song.

And The Tadpole wakes up from his nap crying (nightmare?) and toddles over to me. I hug him for what seems like the longest, loveliest hug ever, and listen to his sweet breathing in my ear.

The he pulls away and beams at me.

And it hits me: To them, I matter.

And behind my children's smiles, their yearning eyes, their outstretched hands, I hear it echoing to the beat of my heart...

...it matters...it matters...it matters...

It might not be a glamorous and exciting life. But it's mine, and I love it.

It Matters

I Am From

I am from sidewalk chalk, hopscotch in the driveway, and a perfect climbing tree.

I am from the smell of hay and leather, the nickering of horses, their soft whiskery noses.

I am from the house in the woods, the slapping of mosquitoes,

skating on the lake and swimming through the lily pads.

I am from scary stories by candlelight, s'mores toasted in the fire place,

spaghetti dinners and omelet breakfasts, all around our large kitchen table.

I am from bunk beds, you stay on your side of the room, and never telling

how I missed the late night giggling later in life.

I am from Because I said so, and I love you more, and

Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day.

I am from You can be anything you want and you're going to be someone special

and wishing I was someone special already.

I am from pointless and resentful church mornings

From two families trying to blend into one,

From always getting right back on the horse after falling off.

I am from Hamburger Helper, too many pixie sticks, and breaded pork chops.

From being at horse camp and missing my mother,

From wearing head gear at night with braces,

From Grandma singing Peter Bunny Cottontail, and then

Not recognizing who Cancer made her become.

I am from photo albums with missing covers, family trunks in my grandmother's attic,

The family history written out meticulously in her round, careful handwriting.

I am from old notes from friends, concert tickets in scrapbooks,

And the footprints of a son who lives only in my heart.

I am from Manketvitch women, strong bond between sisters and cousins.

I am from a confident young girl,

And now wonder, where did that confidence go?

And how do I

Get

It

Back?

I Am From meme.

Idea from Adventures in Babywearing.

I Am From

Peaceful

I'm sitting here drinking my coffee and looking out my slider door at my garden.

It's pretty peaceful here, this morning.

The Tadpole is taking his morning nap. Upstairs, the girls are dancing and singing along to a Christmas CD while they pick up their room. This means that they will take three times as long to clean it up, but for now I let them dance and giggle together.

The Mermaid woke up extra early this morning and decided to make a card for me with glitter. I normally keep the glitter on top of the fridge, but she somehow climbed up and got it. The table is covered with glitter, the floor is covered, and because The Tadpole crawled through it and is now sleeping on my bed, both he and my bed are covered in it as well.

Glitter is the herpes of the craft world: once you get it, you can never quite get rid of it.

But, oh well. The floor looks sparkly and pretty at the moment, and there will be plenty of time to sweep it up later.

I've been thinking a lot lately on working on my interactions with The Mermaid. I feel as though we are constantly butting heads and having battles. There is lots of attitude in that girl, she's like at 16 year-old trapped in a 6 year-old body.

About a year ago a dear friend referred to The Mermaid's behavior as "good leadership skills." I really liked that perspective and it has definitely become my mantra that I chant when I am especially exasperated with her. And yesterday, another dear friend posted this link on my FB wall.

Leadership skills...leadership skills...

Yesterday was rough, for both of us. But today is a new day. Right?

Peaceful

Garden Geek

It's been raining a lot here lately, but I'm not complaining. It's refreshing. And, my garden loves it.

The Knight teases me because the girls have started to refer to the garden as "Mommy's outside babies." I guess I am a little attached to it. I go out every morning to say good morning and check on the plants, and again in the afternoon. I take lots of pictures of it. And when I'm outside playing with the kids, it is not unusual to hear me talk to the plants.

Oh well. I'm just so thrilled to have finally been able to grow something, I'm am completely geeking out over it. I'm already trying to see if there is a way to expand the garden next year. Plus, I can't believe how incredibly easy it has been! Square foot gardening is definitely the way to go; I've had to weed the garden only twice now, and it took about five minutes to do. Super quick and easy.

I've got plenty of fresh green in my fridge and my spinach is coming up nicely. The onions and carrots are getting bigger, and the broccoli plants are huge!

How is your garden doing so far? What is your favorite vegetable to grow?

Garden Geek

Tell Me A Lie

Things have gotten overwhelming. I've sadly had to take a few things off my plate.

But still, this feeling of being overwhelmed just won't go away.

I need to find some balance. I need to know that I won't always be stretched this thin.

Dammit, I just need to be able to go to the bathroom without having three kids desperately bang on the door the entire time I'm in there.

Does it get easier? As the kids get older, do they become less dependent, less needy of every minute of every day?

Just tell me it does. Even if it doesn't. It's okay, I want you to lie to me.

Tell Me A Lie

Dancing Queen

Yesterday The Guppy was in her first dance recital. She did both a ballet number and a tap number.

I was worried that she would be nervous, but I was wrong. She LOVED being on stage!! She loved the attention and being in the spotlight and is already begging for more dance classes. I think she has been bit by the dancing bug.
The Mermaid was such a good audience, cheering her on and talking about how she is so proud of her little sister!
The lighting was terrible, the pictures came out horrible. But she is the one in the middle. This was her tap number.
She's the one standing straight with her arms raised. Her ballet number.
She was so impossibly cute. I almost passed out from all the cuteness.

Dancing Queen

We're Not In Kansas Anymore

Last night was nerve-wracking, to say the least.

Up here in MA we got hit with several tornadoes. Four people are dead, 19 communities were affected.

The western half of the state was hit the hardest, especially in Springfield, MA.

The Knight was working, so it was just the kids and I and we spent all night hanging out in the basement. There was lightning, hail, thunder, and a tornado did touch down in our city (or so I'm told, haven't been able to confirm it yet) but thankfully, we were not hit.

Today the sun is shinning and the birds are singing, I'm hugging my children just a little tighter and keeping those affected by the storms in my thoughts.

We're Not In Kansas Anymore