Too Many "Shoulds"

Today, I should be 26 weeks pregnant. I should be getting to know his movements and kicks. I should have a nice round, cute pregnant belly. I should be having to go to the bathroom every two minutes, be uncomfortable at night, and have slightly swollen ankles.

Instead, all I have is an urn and a box of mementos.

It's been six weeks and I still feel a small emptiness inside of me. Going to the La Leche League conference was great, but it was really hard to see so many newborn babies.

It has gotten a little less hard as more time goes by, but once in a while Kalei will pop up in my thoughts out of the blue, making my heart skip a beat and my stomach flip. The world slows down, and my mind goes blank, except for the image of his perfect little body, wrapped in the hospital blanket.

And I have to stop what I'm doing, sit back, and let the tears come.

Too Many "Shoulds"