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After almost of year of being separated, the Knight and I are giving it another go.
To be honest, it's his idea. So much shit has gone down over the past year, horrible things done and said...I'm trying my best to get past all that, but it's hard.
Things are going well. We're getting along very well, back on the same page on a lot of things. Spending lots of time together with just us two, and also with the kids as a family.
It really is good to be spending time with him again, time as a family again.
So why do I feel like I should be keeping my fingers crossed?
Do me a favor. I'm reaching out to you, lovely readers. If you are in a marriage that has gone through some serious crap, and you made it through to remain happily married in the end...how did you do it? I want your tips, your advice. I want to sit down with you and have a virtual cup of coffee and pick your brain.
I need to know that somewhere out there, another couple has triumphed over serious shit. That it is possible for us to get through this with our family intact.
Please share your stories and thoughts.
7 comments:
I don't have any good advice for you; I'm assuming you've tried counseling, whatever that is worth.
I think the biggest thing is trust; if you feel you can trust him (and he can trust you) then it is worth trying. If in the back of your mind you're never sure if he's trustworthy, then it may be a sign.
I'm not a psychotherapist, though!
{hugs}
Good luck!
Good luck - just ask yourself if you are better off with him or without him...your heart will lead the way.
{hugs}
The way you so beautifully write about your baby son is such a contrast to hearing about your separation. I would have never thought you had marital problems, especially with a baby. I haven't followed you for long and have no idea of why you're separated. There is a lot to consider, mainly your children's lives, obviously. Choose to take the high road, focus on the future and it'll unfold as you "see" it unfold. Best to you.
I don't know your situation but I do know someone close to me whose husband cheated on her. They separated for a while and he was truly remorseful so they gave it another go. They have been happily married for 20 years now and she totally trusts that he is faithful to her and I do too. So it can work.
My husband and I had a major issue about two years ago, involving a big breach of trust (without going into details). It came to light 3 months before our wedding, though we had been living together for 5 years prior. We didn't have kids yet, and we weren't officially hitched, so the option was there to walk away from the relationship without legal repercussions. It took a good two weeks of us talking, yelling, crying, and serious communication before I put my engagement ring back on. Fast forward two years, we are expecting our first, and I still occasionally have moments of doubt.
What has kept me on the side of commitment: I look at the big picture. In everything but this one big situation, he has been my best friend, lover and most trusted confidant. He is truly remorseful and realizes that things will never be the same because of his mistakes. I realize that we are both human, and humans do make mistakes, even big ones. I have weighed the gravity of the mistakes against the benefits of having this one person in my life. If there was any silver lining to the situation, it was that we both learned a vast amount about ourselves and each other, which deepened our bond even when it hurt to talk about it.
I won't give you advice because I don't know you at all (nor any details of your situation). But, I know that for me, if there had been any kids at the time, their interests would have weighed in my decision as well.
I'm leaving this anonymously, but will message you personally should you wish to talk more.
There's a great marriage site called Project: Happily Ever After. The author and the community of commenters are all very supportive and often have lots of useful things to say. There may be something in her archives that speaks to you. You can find it at www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/my-blog, I think. It's been useful to me as I went through my own depression (that caused issues in our marriage) and in general.
Good luck to you and the Knight.
hi there shelly, i'm facing some issues in my own marriage at this point & after knowing my husband for 12 years, 6 years into marriage, with a 2 yr-old, for the 1st time ever, i actually entertained thoughts of calling it quits. but i've decided to throw these thoughts out of the window today as i shared with a group of 17-18yrs old teenagers about life, about relationships, about love & marriage, about how marriage is supposed to be for life & that the wedding vows of "To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part" is not something that we utter on the Big Day & forget about but to remember & live by every single day of marriage life together...
i've been a social worker before i became a sahm & have worked with many couples, one common thing i found in these couples are that they are overwhelmed by the issues that cropped out & very often forget about the good things they share, i couldn't say the same for you & the Knight because i'm not aware of the issues concerning you both
at least for myself, i'm trying hard to dig out all the good things my husband & i share, the very good things & realised that i couldn't possibly choose to walk out because thats gonna be million times more painful for everyone (esp our kid)
p/s:i'll be glad to talk more if you're interested, if i could have an email add. to reach you, as i'm not comfortable leaving my email here
*hugs*
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