Last week I was at work and someone made a comment about the fact that I stay home with my children. I don't remember the exact wording, but it was to the effect of, "Don't you mind having to give up a career to stay home with your kids?" This simple question kind of threw me through a loop simply because I never thought that I was "giving up" anything to stay home with my girls, especially a career. My girls will not always be little, and I always assumed that once they were old enough I would go back into the workforce in a job that allowed me to still spend lots of time with my family.
I have been thinking about the future lately, and what I would like to do when my girls get older. And while I have been considering many jobs, the one that my mind keeps coming back to is being a Doula. I think that to help a woman have her ideal birth, to aid her into bringing her baby into this world, is really a job that I would love to have.
With that in mind, I have begun researching the different paths one can take to be certified as a Doula. I have begun setting aside some time to talk to woman who are Doulas, in order to inquire about why they chose the path they did, learn more about the business aspect, and about how being a Doula has impacted their life.
I am a little scared. I am very hopeful. But most of all, I am very excited.
... the Mermaid is enjoying some time putting together a puzzle, not realizing that she is also learning about shapes, colors, and textures. I love the relaxed, homeschooling environment that we have, where she is not pressured to memorize things a teacher thinks she should know; where she is free to learn at her own pace, in her own way.
... the Guppy is sleeping, finally, after going back to screaming all day because of teething. Although I am so relieved to be able to put her down and attend to the Mermaid, my arms feel strangely empty.
... it is really hot. I do not do well in the heat. For some reason our house is always really hot in the summer and really cold in the winter. The only room that has air conditioner in it is our bedroom. I'm sweating up a storm and I am not liking it.
... I am trying to decide what to make for lunch that will not require use of the stove because that will just make it even more hot in here.
... I am wishing that we had more than one car because then I could take the girls to a park or to my IL's where they have a pool and lots of things for the girls to do in their backyard. The only thing we have in our backyard is lots of bees and weeds.
... I have a lot of thoughts running through my head about our future and while I am very confused at times, I am also very excited.
... I am thinking of my friend who passed away and how lucky my family is because we are happy, we are healthy, and we are together.
Another great giveaway going on right now is the Lansinoh Breast Pump Sweepstakes. You can enter to win either a Double Electric Breast Pump or a Manual Breast Pump. A wonderful sweepstakes for an expectant mom or a mom getting ready to return to work!
And finally, I am really excited about the giveaway being hosted by Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing. This week Stephanie is going to be giving away a free Solarveil Ring Sling from KimzKreations. I would absolutely LOVE to carry around the Guppy in one of those gorgeous slings!
So hop on over to the hosts of these great contests and enter for your chance to win!
First of all, I would like to thank everyone who sent me encouraging comments, emails, and cards. I can't even tell you how helpful it was to read those encouraging words and know that people out there do care. So thank you.
Life around here is getting back to normal and even better. The Guppy gave me a day off from her screaming yesterday and even took a two hour nap. So either she was having an "off" day or teething is going to give us all a break for now. So far her two bottom teeth are all the way through and up, and I can't tell if any more are about to come in.
Because the Guppy has been better at letting me do things other than completely focus all my attention on her, I've also been able to spend more one-on-one time with the Mermaid. The Mermaid is loving it. As a result we've seen a drastic decrease in tantrums in the house. The Mermaid loves to draw and lately has been drawing self portraits and cats and dogs. She also loves to fingerpaint.
Brooke drawing her self portrait
Thursday was my birthday. I am now 24. My wonderful loving husband threw a party for me last night and invited all the people I care about that live close enough. It was wonderful and I did have a good time. Afterwards my mom watched the girls while we went out with some friends to have a little fun sans kids.
This weekend I am working both days, but while I'm not working we are just going to hang out at home and maybe go to the library. I am looking forward to just relaxing, enjoying my family, and thanking God that we are all happy, healthy, and together.
I haven't posted in a while, I know. But this week has not been a good week for me at all.
Friday we found out that a friend of ours died. She was only 25. Her daughter is 6 months old. Her and her husband had moved into their new house only a week and a half ago. When I heard the news, I felt my heart break. How can it be that one day you are making plans with someone to take your children to the zoo, and the next they are just...gone?
Then I found out about two other devastating, life changing events that had occurred to two other people close to me in my life. My heart broke even more.
The Guppy is teething, and she has a cold. The Mermaid is feeling neglected (rightly so) and is acting out as a result. I can not put the Guppy down to do anything without her screaming at me. I can't even go to the bathroom alone. Normally, I wouldn't mind. I understand that she is only 8 months old and is in pain from her teeth and is sick, and I would gladly hold her 24/7. I would gladly set some time aside for the Mermaid and I to do something special together, I would be glad to sit and talk to her through one of her tantrums. But I just can't do it this week. I find myself losing patience with both my girls, and snapping at my Knight. I can't be a good Mommy right now. And it just adds to my grief.
This is what I want to do: I want to lock myself alone in a room, without having to listen to the Guppy scream because her mommy has just left the room without her and without having to listen to the Mermaid yell and kick the walls in frustration because she can't seem to get my attention this week. Then I want to cry. I want to cry long and loud without worrying about upsetting the girls. I even want to be able to throw things in anger. Then when I am all cried out, I want to bury myself under the covers and sleep for an entire day.
I want to grieve.
But instead, my guilt doesn't allow it. I know that this is one of those times that my needs have to come first for once, but I do have a guilt complex. I always put my girls first. And so, I will put on a fake smile for the girls. I will play with them like nothing has happened, like the lives of three people whom I care about did not just get devastated this week. I will grieve silently.
I really, really wish I didn't have a guilt complex.
Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing is having yet another fantastic giveaway! This time you can enter for your chance to win a $75 to MamaKanga!
I am, of course, addicted to baby carriers. And when I look at what MamaKanga has to offer, I drool. There are so many great carriers to choose from, I wouldn't know where to start! However, I haven't been able to try out a ring sling yet, and I am absolutely in love with a few of MamaKanga's ring slings, such as the Cosi Fuschia Fausty Reversible Silk Ring Sling and the ZoloWear Bliss Paisley Ring Sling:
As for MT's, I simply adore the BabyHawk Blue Asian Dragon Mei Tai!
Maybe you are addicted to carriers like me, or maybe you've just been waiting for the chance to try babywearing. Either way, you should definitely head on over to Adventures in Babywearing to enter for your chance to win!
I never had much of an imagination when I was a child. I had no imaginary friends and pretend games didn't really thrill me. The only "pretend" game I would play was house.
My sister, on the other hand, had the most active imagination I've ever seen in a child. Where I saw a stuffed teddy bear, she saw a best friend. Where I saw a blank piece of paper and crayons, she saw a the thrill of creating a masterpiece that consisted of whatever she could dream up. I remember one time our car broke down and the only thing we could find to occupy her was a piece of string and a stick. No joke, she was kept busy for hours, as the string became a snake that needed charming, then a rope to climb up a tower to rescue a princess, then a swing set tied to a tree for fairies to swing on.
I specifically remember looking at her that day, full of envy for her imagination.
Well, what a relief it was when I realized that the Mermaid takes more after my sister in imagination. Give her a simple toy and she'll be busy for hours, dreaming up all types of scenarios in her mind to play out. The best part is, she plays them out loud in her cute, limited two-year-old vocabulary, so when I am washing the dishes I get to listen to her narrate her adventures. In this limited way, I find myself getting a glimpse of the type of imagination I had always wished for.
This morning the Mermaid, the Guppy and I were sitting on the living room floor playing with some blocks. The Mermaid built a small tower of blocks and her imagination began to fly. First the tower was a bridge, spanning a safe way across a dangerous river, which was actually a small spot of drool left by the Guppy. Then the block tower turned into a wild stallion, which one of her dolls bravely leaped on to and endured the bucking and rearing until the magnificent stallion calmed down and they became friends. Next the block tower was a boat, navigating it's way around the living room through dangerous rapids and waterfalls. I laughed as the Mermaid "swooshed" her way across the floor, yelling with glee and delight at the rapids. She looked up at the sound of my laugh and held out the block tower. "For you, Mommy" she said and looked at me expectantly.
I took the block tower and held it in my hand. It just looked like a block tower to me. But, wait a minute....it sort of looked like a clarinet if you squint your eyes and tilt your head to the side. And so, putting the block tower to my lips...I played the clarinet. I tooted out a song and wiggled my fingers. The Mermaid clapped with glee and began to dance around. When I looked up she had become a ballerina, and we were onstage in an auditorium full of fans. I picked up a faster beat and all of a sudden we were a marching band, in the middle of a stadium full of people during halftime. I started playing more slowly again and suddenly the Mermaid and I were both fairies, dancing and singing our fairy babies to sleep.
Exhausted from all the dancing, we both collapsed on the floor laughing next to the Guppy, who was smiling and moving to her own beat. I handed the block tower back to the Mermaid and gave her a kiss. "Thank you" I said. "You're welcome" she answered, and started off on her next adventure.
In the past, I've read debates on the level of toxins found in the milk of breastfeeding mothers. Although these toxins are can be found in breastmilk, I don't let this fact deter me from breastfeeding, or change my belief that breastfeeding is perfectly safe and natural and is what is right for the baby.
However, for those nursing moms that do find it troubling that toxins are present in their breastmilk, the authors of the book The New Breastfeeding Diet Plan offer five things a mom can do to reduce the amount of toxins in her milk. These things are: 1. eat organic 2. drink more water 3. eat liver-healthy foods 4. aid detoxification through the digestive tract 5. detoxification through the skin.
While it is impossible to completely eliminate toxins from the body, following these steps will help to lower the amount of toxins present.
As for me, we do eat some things organic, but I am not going to put ourselves into the poor house by buying all food organic. Drinking more water is always a plus, especially for a nursing mom; I tend to drink at least 35 - 40 oz a day. Eating liver healthy foods are always good, and the foods that the article describes are a daily presence on our plates. As for numbers four and five, the vegetables I eat are full of fiber, and the exercise I do every day gives me a good sweat.
I guess by naturally living healthy like we have been, I've not only been improving my health but reducing the level of toxins in my breastmilk. Can't beat that.
Marie McGrath recently wrote an interesting article about the dangers of formula milk in Disaster Zones. She discusses the dangers of sending formula to areas of disaster which have no clean water available, such as diarrhoea, contamination, etc. From the article:
Unfortunately this is nothing new. In FYR Macedonia during the 1999 Kosovo crisis, 27 tonnes of breastmilk substitute was gathered by Unicef. Some of these donations were large, suggesting a commercial source. During the earthquake response in Indonesia in 2006, half of breastfeeding infants had received milk powder in the previous 24 hours. Diarrhoea rates doubled. Nor do donations of infant formula do any favours for infants who are already bottlefed. An infant who needs artificial feeding in a crisis needs supportive resources and medical backup - not what you get when formula is distributed randomly off the back of a truck.
I remember when Hurricane Katrina hit one of the concerns was getting formula to babies who did not have access to formula or even clean water in which to prepare it. Then I remember the tragic story of the Kim family, where Kati Kim managed to keep her two children alive by breastfeeding them while they were stranded in their car in the snow. If Kati had not been breastfeeding, would the children have ended up with the same tragic fate as their father?
When disaster hits, often people are forced to relocate from their homes into temporary shelters. These shelters are often overcrowded and even dangerous. With so many people and in such poor conditions, illness is bound to appear within the shelters. What better way to protect your baby than with the ability to breastfeed him or her?
When a family is uprooted, when their whole lives are changed for the worse in a day it can be overwhelming. With all the emotions, the changes, the fears...breastfeeding your baby can be a blessing. It lets the baby know that at least he or she is still with his or her mother, that the comfort of the breast is still available, and that can really make a difference in how safe a baby feels. The house may be gone, the family's life may be uprooted, but Mommy is still here, and so is Mommy's milk.
Two years ago today, I walked down an aisle and into the next chapter of my life. Two years ago today, I stood at the alter, faced my Knight in shinning armor and pledged my unconditional love in front of our family and friends. Two years ago today, I gave my entire heart and soul to my best friend, the love of my life, my soul mate. The Surprise:
Although we had known each other for years, the Knight and I had only been officially dating for three months when I found out I was pregnant with the Mermaid. I was terrified. So was the Knight. After our initial, OMG what are we going to do!?! reaction, I was surprised and overjoyed when he actually became very happy and excited about the thought of being a father. We briefly discussed marriage and I told him that there was no way I was going to get married just because I was pregnant. He told me he didn't want to marry me because I was pregnant; he wanted to marry me because he was in love with me. I felt the same.
The Proposal:
It was four months into my pregnancy, and due to morning sickness the only thing I could keep down was cereal. The Knight surprised me with a candle light dinner of Cheerios and milk, with roses all over the house. We danced to our song and then he popped the question. I, of course, answered yes. I was surprised at how nervous he was. His hands shook a little when he was eating.
We were married June 4th, 2005, on a beautiful sunny day. Our ceremony took place on a gazebo in the center of a local town, the reception took place at a restaurant across the street. About 100, 130 people attended. The wedding got off to a late start because the limo broke down on the way to pick us up and also the Best Man got in a car accident on the way to the wedding. Thankfully he was not hurt and we were able to proceed. The wedding was gorgeous, more than I could hope for. The Mermaid was 9 months old at the time and was in attendance, in fact the Knight held her in his arms while I walked down the aisle. It was wonderful.
The Marriage:
These past two years have been the most wonderful years of my life. Nervous about how our marriage would turn out, I know now I had nothing to fear. The Knight is still my best friend, my soul mate. He is the most kind and considerate man I have ever met. He is also a wonderful father. When we are out in public, I feel so proud to have him on my arm. He buys me flowers for no reason, helps out with the housework, encourages me with my passions and interests. He is so romantic and passionate yet he also knows how to just sit and goof around with me like a buddy. He knows my every secret, my every flaw, my every quirk, and still loves me unconditionally. Whatever obstacle I face, I know that I will have his support and encouragement.
The Future:
I no longer fear the future. While the uncertainty of what tomorrow will bring used to make my heart beat with fear, now it beats with excitement. I know that whatever comes our way, both good or bad, we will come out of it with a determination to continue on together. Our hands are clasped but our hearts are intertwined. I never really understood the quote from Browning's poem until now: Grow old along with me, the best to come is yet to be.
My favorite parenting magazine, and really one of the only two I will read, is Mothering Magazine. I love Mothering Magazine for it's dedication to natural parenting. So I was thrilled when Angela over at Breastfeeding 1 2 3 gave her readers the heads up on a video put out by Mothering that shows the normal day in the office of Mothering employees....where they bring their children to work. Thrilled...and a little bit jealous ;o). So if you want to view what I believe is the ideal work situation for a mother, take the time to watch the video!
I hate buying shoes for myself. My feet are ugly, huge, and wide. All those cute shoes that you see other women wearing? They don't even begin to fit my flat and wide feet. So as you can imagine, all my shoes are functional. Basic black, no heels.
Since I can't get cute shoes for myself, I love to buy cute shoes for the girls. That is why I got really excited when I saw that Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing is giving away a gift certificate to Vincent.
The shoes at Vincent? Adorable. I especially would love these for the Guppy and these for the Mermaid. Sooo cute.
Weight: Again, I maintained. As a Future MILF, I am getting a little tired on this plateau I seem to be on. Especially when I am trying to win a bet. Any suggestions for getting off this plateau is welcome.
House: House is better this week. I can write a book on how to wash floors, do laundry, and wash dishes while entertaining a teething baby on your back. FlyLady would be so proud.
Finances: This week we had enough to pay off another debt, but the brakes are going in our car, so now we have to use the money for that instead. I'm not sure how much will be left over, if any is left over at all, but it's only a small bump in a road compared to where we were a year ago. Back then we wouldn't have the money to fix the brakes at all.
Environment: I think we got a little lazy for a bit and used disposables more than we normally do. This week we stopped that. We've also been shopping for our clothes at thrift stores, which is a form of recycling.
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As for MT's, I simply adore the BabyHawk Blue Asian Dragon Mei Tai!
