Dizzy

You know those days that you have, where it feels like every ounce of your strength and will power is used just to keep your head above the water?

You get dizzy trying to stay afloat. Dizzy trying to keep your emotions in check, trying to get through the day.

I've had a few dizzy days weeks months that I've somehow managed to tread water through. It's been hard. But I'm still here.

I think at one point every blogger has had to decide how much to share. And we all settle in to our personal comfort zones, which is very varied among bloggers. I had found my comfort zone. But I'm about to expand it, just a little. So here goes:

My marriage is pretty much ending. It is hanging on by a thread.

There, I said it. It's out there now, for you all to see, dear friends. And while I'm not comfortable sharing the details (and they aren't important, anyway) I am comfortable sharing with you how scared I am. And shocked.

And dizzy.

But something else keeps happening, too. I get a call or an email from a friend. I feel the baby kick away happily inside me. I hear the girls' laughter as we get into a paint fight. (I didn't even mind cleaning that mess up). And this dizziness starts to flow away. And I start to look forward, not back.

And I start to hope. And it gets just a little bit easier, to reach for that courage.

Dizzy