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Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Long Winded Rant Ahead!

To the rude woman that I met in HellMart yesterday,

You seemed nice when you first struck up a conversation with me while we were waiting in line. You asked about the pictures that I had developed and were waiting to pay for. When I told you that they were of the birth of my second child, you went on and on about how you loved your elective cesareans and would never have a vaginal birth because women who have vaginal births are "loose".

You know what? As ignorant and rude as you sounded, I respected the choices you made for your births and just smiled politely.

But then you had the nerve to criticise me for the rest of the twenty minutes that we were in line simply because I had a homebirth. You went on about how I was "crazy" and how it "wasn't natural". I'm sorry, but how much more natural could it have been? Even when I turned my back to you and ignored you, you still went on to the people around us about how crazy I am, how stupid I was, etc.

And while I ignored you at the time, to answer some of your rude comments and questions: no, it wasn't crazy. And no, it wasn't overwhelmingly painful (in fact, my hospital birth was more painful). And yes, I am one of "those mothers" who breastfeeds their children. Yes, my older daughter was present for the birth, and no, she isn't "ruined for life" because she witnessed it.

You were the one who felt the need to discuss your births with me. You apparently have lots of unresolved issues with your "wonderful" births, so much so that you became terribly rude and defensive when facing someone who did things differently. Just like you are not comfortable giving birth at home, I am not comfortable giving birth in the hospital. Different people, different choices, end of story. This concept is easy enough for my three year old to grasp, but your idiotic mind could not wrap itself around that idea. And so, twenty minutes later (thank you so much, Hellmart, for only having one cashier open!), I finally left the store, red-faced and feeling like a freak as everyone stared.

I am angry. Not at you, little ignorant and rude woman, but at myself. I should have told you off. I tried to be nice and not make a scene, but I should have turned around and knocked you down with my awesome verbal powers. I should have kicked your ignorant butt with statistics of homebirth safety, statistics on c-sections, forceps deliveries, episiotomies, etc. until you were so confused all you could do is drool.

If I had done that, I would have come home happy, and went about my life and forgotten about you in an hour. Instead, I'm sitting here and typing, wasting more time on you, simply because I didn't take the chance to stand up for myself when it was appropriate, and now I feel like the situation was left unresolved. And it is driving me crazy.

This I know to be true: as soon as I hit the "publish post" button, I am going to get up and go take my girls outside to play. And I will continue on with my life. And you will be forgotten in an hour. Because this is my choice, and I choose not to waste anymore time on you. I have better things to do. End of story.

Sincerely,
That homebirthing goddess you harassed in Hellmart because you sensed that her life was more fulfilled than yours and you were jealous (and you were right, it is).
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5 comments:

mama k said...

wow.
That is pretty crazy. People yell at their kids in the stores, put soda in baby bottles, buy kids stuff to pacifiy a tantrum and my personal favorite, don't watch them so that a sales clerk *ahem me* has to chase down a 2 year old from walking out the door into the parking lot.
But no one says ANYTHING.

I can't imagine that a complete stranger would go off on you like that. Even if she did think you were crazy, why couldn't she just keep it to herself?

Serious issues there.

Anonymous said...

You could have told her off but you were the bigger person. Good for you. In living your life you showed her that things are better.
Go on Goddess and enjoy your daughters!
Liz

Cassandra Kinaviaq Rae said...

Oh geez....I'm sorry you had to deal with that while waiting in line, which is painful enough without the unsolicited judgment. And good for you for not losing your cool. Hopefully ranting here helped to release the crappy feelings.

This is my first visit to your blog, but it sounds like you are a trailblazer in child birthing methods. That's pretty cool! People leading the way are more vulnerable to criticism and yet, where would be without their courage?!

saskia said...

Wow, you are right, she has unresolved issues or she wouldn't go on and on about how great her c-sections were. I had an emergency c-section with my 5th child- and women are nuts in my opinion to have these, when they have a choice between a vaginal birth. It was HELL! Oh boy, I shouldn't put this, my mom has had 9 children vaginally and um, well, she has no problems in the loose department, it's called kegels. gee! oh my, sorry for putting that, ha ha!

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